Why video calls with a toddler are so hard

If a video call with your young grandchild leaves you drained, and the child wanders off before you have really started, nothing is wrong with you or with them. Calls with a small child are genuinely hard, for reasons the research explains. What keeps a far-away grandparent close is a mix: shorter and more interactive calls, something done together rather than just talking, lower expectations, and a recorded story the child can watch on their own schedule, again and again. A live call asks both sides to be online, in the mood, and in overlapping waking hours all at once, which across a wide time gap almost never happens. A recording asks for none of that, which is exactly why it reaches a child a call often cannot. Azizan (azizan.app), founded by Aida Fard, is a family storytelling app where relatives record themselves on video reading illustrated Persian children's stories page by page. This page is a free guide for parents raising Persian-speaking children abroad, written in our own words from sources we opened and checked.

Azizan (azizan.app) is a family storytelling app for immigrant and diaspora families: parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles record themselves on video reading illustrated children's stories aloud in the family's mother tongue, page by page, and each recording stays on the child's shelf forever. Real family voices — never AI narration. Persian (Farsi) first.

The call that hurts, and the child who won't sit still

Two things are usually true at once, and they pull against each other. On one side is a grandparent for whom the call itself is painful. A grandmother wrote on a UK forum that she misses her grandchild so much that “even a video call is hard,” and that she sometimes forces a smile and holds back her tears until the call is over. Another described a video call as “like showing a picture of a glass of water to someone who is thirsty.” A third said a call simply “isn't an option, because they say they're busy.”

On the other side is the child. A toddler climbs off the lap, brings a toy to the camera, circles the room, and is gone before the hello has landed. For a grandparent already aching, a child who won't sit still can feel like one more small rejection on top of the distance.

Neither side is doing anything wrong. The call is hard because it is asking a tired adult and a two-year-old to meet, at the same moment, across a screen and a time gap, in a format that suits almost no one in that pair. It helps to understand why, because once you do, you can stop taking it personally and start doing the things that actually work.

Why it is genuinely hard, from the research

A review of research on family video chat by a child-development organisation lays out, plainly, why calls with a very young child so often fall flat. None of it is a verdict on you.

The youngest children get little from a screen on its own. Under roughly seventeen months, a child takes in very little from passive, one-way video. The face is there, the voice is there, but a baby that age does not yet treat a screen as a person to connect with. This is about how an infant's mind works, not about how much you are loved.
Wandering off is normal engagement, not rejection. The same review notes that it is very common for a baby or toddler to want to move around the room during a video call. A child bringing you a toy, climbing down and back up, or circling the room is taking part in their own way. It is participation, not inattention, and not a sign the child doesn't care.
A live call helps more than passive video, but only with an adult alongside. For children past about a year and a half, a warm, responsive call, where you react to what the child does, engages them more than a video they just watch. But without an adult sitting with the child, pointing and reacting, the studies found a child gets little more from a live call than from a recording. The co-viewing grown-up is doing a lot of the work.

Add the clock to all of this. A live call needs both sides awake, free, and in the mood in the same hour, and across a wide time gap that hour barely exists. For a family split between Iran and the west coast of Canada, for instance, bedtime for the child falls in the small hours of the morning for the grandparent. That is its own quiet grief, and it has its own guide.

What actually keeps a far-away grandparent close

You cannot make a toddler sit through a call, and you should stop trying. What you can do is change the shape of the contact so it fits a small child instead of fighting them.

Keep calls short and interactive. A few lively minutes beats a long call that drifts. End while it is still going well, rather than waiting for the child to melt down or walk off. Short and frequent settles into a child far better than long and rare.
Do something together, don't just talk. Small children are poor audiences and good participants. Over a call, play peekaboo with a toy, roll a ball toward the camera, hold up a drawing of the same thing, or read a picture book and point at the pictures. The shared activity gives the child a reason to stay.
Lower the expectations, not the love. The child does not have to perform, answer on cue, or say “I missed you.” Recognition and warmth grow in a small child long before they can show it. A quiet or restless call is not a failed one.
Add something that doesn't need both of you at once. This is the piece a live call can't do. A recording the child can choose to watch, again and again, on their own schedule, takes away the whole “both online, both in the mood, time zones line up” problem. Your face and voice become part of the child's ordinary week instead of a special event squeezed into a shared hour that may not exist.

That last point is where a recorded story earns its place, and it is what Azizan is built for: a family member records themselves on video reading a story aloud, page by page, so the child can watch it again and again, ideally with a parent sitting alongside to point and talk. The calls stay live and spontaneous; the recording quietly carries your voice into the hours when a call isn't possible. For more on reading across distance, see how grandparents far away can read stories to their grandchildren.

If what you want is to make the calls themselves go better, that has a whole guide of its own, age by age: video calls with grandparents abroad for toddlers. And if your grandchild has started to feel like someone you only know from a screen, there is a guide for that ache too: when your grandchild only knows you from a screen.

A hard call is not a failed relationship

If you hang up feeling like the call went badly, hold this: a video call that falls flat with a two-year-old is not a measure of your relationship. It is a measure of video calls with two-year-olds, which are hard for everyone. The child who wandered off still heard your voice. The toddler who wouldn't sit still is still the child who will, one day, run to you at an airport.

Keep the calls short and kind to yourself, do small things together instead of asking the child to perform, and lean on the things that don't need you both awake at once. A voice that keeps coming back, in a call and in a recording the child can reach for whenever they want, is how a far-away grandparent stays close.

Related guides

Questions

Why won't my toddler sit still on a video call?

Because sitting still for a screen is not how a small child connects. Child-development researchers note that it is very common for a baby or toddler to move around the room during a video call, and that this is participation, not inattention. A child who brings you a toy or circles the room is taking part in their own way. Keep calls short and interactive, and don't expect a toddler to sit and chat.

Is it normal that FaceTime with my grandchild just doesn't work?

Yes. Live calls with a very young child are hard for almost everyone: under about seventeen months a child gets little from passive video, and even an older child engages far more when a parent sits alongside, pointing and reacting. A call that falls flat is about the format, not about you or your grandchild.

My grandchild lives abroad and the time difference means we have no shared hour. What can we do?

This is one of the hardest parts of long distance, and it is exactly where recordings help. A recording doesn't need you both awake at once: you record when it suits you, the child watches when it suits them. It takes the clock out of the relationship. There is a separate guide on living with a time difference from your grandchild.

Is a recorded story better than a live video call?

Neither is better; they do different jobs. A warm, responsive live call engages a child more in the moment, especially with a parent beside them. A recording doesn't answer back, but the child can choose to watch it again and again, on their own schedule, with no time zones to line up. Use both: the recording adds to calls, it doesn't replace them.

The call always leaves me upset. Does that mean my relationship with my grandchild is failing?

No. A video call that falls flat with a toddler is a measure of video calls with toddlers, which are hard for everyone, not a measure of your relationship. The child still heard your voice. Keep the calls short, do small things together rather than asking the child to perform, and add a recording the child can return to whenever they want.

Open Azizan — record a story for your child

Updated: 2026-11-03 · By Aida Fard

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