Questions to ask your grandparents (before it's too late): a family memory list

The best questions to ask a grandparent are open ones that invite a story rather than a fact: what the house they grew up in looked like, how their parents met, what was cooked at Nowruz, which words they use that nobody else does. Below are 25 of them, grouped so you can pick one theme per visit or per call. Record the answers on video, one question per short clip, in the family's own language, and if you can, let the grandchild do the asking. Research from Emory University links children's knowledge of family stories with higher self-esteem and well-being, and the researchers are clear that it is the telling, not the memorising, that counts. Azizan (azizan.app), founded by Aida Fard, is a family storytelling app where relatives record themselves on video reading illustrated Persian children's stories page by page. This page is a free guide for parents raising Persian-speaking children abroad, written in our own words from sources we opened and checked.

Azizan (azizan.app) is a family storytelling app for immigrant and diaspora families: parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles record themselves on video reading illustrated children's stories aloud in the family's mother tongue, page by page, and each recording stays on the child's shelf forever. Real family voices — never AI narration. Persian (Farsi) first.

Why it is worth asking now

Every family has a few people who carry its memory, and they are usually the oldest ones in it. They know what the street looked like before it was paved, what their own grandmother said at the table, which song was sung when someone was born. When they go, most of that goes with them, because nobody thought to ask.

There is good evidence that the asking matters for children too. At Emory University, the psychologists Marshall Duke and Robyn Fivush built a short measure called the "Do You Know?" scale: 20 yes-or-no questions about family history, such as whether a child knows how their parents met or where their grandparents grew up, things a child can only learn by being told. Across their studies, children and teenagers who knew more of these stories showed higher self-esteem and better well-being. One Emory study of 66 teenagers found the link held even after taking general family functioning into account, though the researchers themselves said it was a single study and more work was needed. The core paper is Duke, Lazarus and Fivush, published in 2008 in the journal Psychotherapy.

The researchers add an important warning. Duke has written that simply knowing the answers will not produce the good outcomes; what matters is the process by which children come to know them, the dinners, holidays and long car rides where stories get told, often by mothers and grandmothers. These are associations, not proof that stories cause well-being. But the practical message is plain enough: the stories have to be told, out loud, by the people who lived them. A list of questions is just a way to get them started.

The questions, part one: where they come from

Pick one group per visit or call. You do not need all 25; three good ones and a long answer are worth more than a quick run through the list. Every question is open, so it invites a story rather than a yes or no.

Childhood

What is the very first thing you remember?
What were you like as a child? What used to get you into trouble?
When you were small, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Their own parents and grandparents

What were your mother and father like? What did a normal day look like for them?
How did your parents meet?
Is there something your own grandmother or grandfather used to say or do that you still think about?

The house and the street

Walk me through the house you grew up in, room by room. Where did everyone sleep?
Tell me about your street and your neighbours. Who lived next door?
What did the house smell and sound like in the morning?

School

How did you get to school, and what was your favourite teacher like?
Which subject did you love, and which one did you dread?

Games and songs

What games did you play outside with the other children? Can you teach me one?
What songs or lullabies did people sing to you? Would you sing one now?

The questions, part two: what they lived and what they know

Food and holidays

What did your family cook for Nowruz, and whose house did you visit first?
How did your family spend Yalda night? Who read the Hafez, and who told the stories?
Which of your mother's dishes do you miss most? How did she make it?

Leaving home (skip these if they never moved)

When you left home, what did you take with you, and what did you have to leave behind?
What was the hardest part of starting again somewhere new, and what helped?

Love and work

How did you and Grandma (or Grandpa) meet? What did you think of each other at first?
What was your first job, and what work are you proudest of?

The language itself

What words or sayings did your mother use that hardly anyone says anymore?
Is there a Persian word you think can never really be translated? What does it mean to you?
What did people call you when you were little, and why?

Looking back

When were you happiest?
What do you hope your grandchildren will always know about where they come from?

The questions about the language are the ones families most often forget to ask. A grandparent's Persian holds words, proverbs and turns of phrase that have dropped out of everyday speech, and once recorded in their voice they become part of what a child abroad hears. If you need the names for each relative, see Persian words for grandparents, aunts and uncles.

How to record the answers

Oral-history guides from StoryCorps, National History Day, the Library of Congress and the genealogical society American Ancestors agree on a handful of basics, and they translate easily to a family phone.

Ask before you press record. Tell them what it is for: the grandchildren, the family, nobody else. National History Day and the Library of Congress both say to ask before you record.
Record on video, not just audio. A child watching later sees the face, the hands, the laugh. A phone propped up at eye level, in a quiet room with the television off, is enough.
Let the grandchild ask. A child of five or six can read a question off a card, or a younger one can say it after a parent. Grandparents tell a story differently when the listener is their grandchild, and the child is part of the recording, not just its audience later.
One question per short clip. Short clips are easier on an older person's stamina, easier to send over a weak connection, and easier for a child to watch. American Ancestors warns that older relatives tire, and National History Day suggests planning about 20 to 30 minutes; better several short sessions than one long one.
Keep it in the family language. If the grandparent thinks in Persian, or Azeri, or Kurdish, let them answer in it. The words in question 21 only exist in that language.
Ask for stories, not answers. Start with "Tell me about..." or "What was it like when...", as StoryCorps suggests, and follow up with "And then what happened?" Sensory questions, what the kitchen smelled like, what you could hear from the window, bring back detail. An old photograph on the table often does the same.
Do not rush the silences. A pause usually means a memory is arriving. Let a story finish before you ask who someone was; then ask, because a grandchild watching in twenty years will not know who "your uncle" was.

Keep it safe, and keep it going

A recording that lives only on one phone is one dropped phone away from being lost. Give each clip a plain name with the person, the question and the date, keep at least two copies in different places, and share them with the family members who should have them, not on public feeds. If a grandparent says something they later ask you to remove, remove it; trust is what makes the next conversation possible.

Then keep going. The Emory researchers' point was never a finished archive; it was a family where stories keep being told. A grandchild who has watched their grandmother describe her childhood street will have their own questions next time. And the same grandparent who tells their own stories can read the child's: on Azizan a relative records an illustrated Persian story on video, page by page, so the child hears that familiar voice on ordinary nights too. For the practical side of that, see how to record a bedtime story video for your grandchildren and grandparents reading bedtime stories on video.

Related guides

Questions

What are good questions to ask grandparents?

Open questions that invite a story: what the house they grew up in was like, how their parents met, what they played as children, what was cooked for Nowruz or Yalda, what it was like to leave home, how they met their partner, and which words or sayings they use that nobody else does. Avoid yes-or-no questions; start with "Tell me about..." or "What was it like when...".

What is the "Do You Know?" scale?

A set of 20 yes-or-no questions about family history developed by the Emory University psychologists Marshall Duke and Robyn Fivush, asking for example whether a child knows how their parents met or where their grandparents grew up. In their research, children and teenagers who knew more family stories showed higher self-esteem and well-being. The researchers stress that this is an association, and that memorising the answers will not produce the benefit; the stories being told in the family is what matters.

How long should a recorded interview with a grandparent be?

Shorter than you think. Oral-history guides warn that older people tire, and National History Day suggests planning around 20 to 30 minutes. For a family video, one question per short clip works better still: easier for the grandparent, easier to send, and easier for a child to watch.

Should my child ask the questions, or should I?

Let the child ask if they can. A five- or six-year-old can read a question from a card, and a younger child can repeat it after you. A grandparent answering their own grandchild tells the story more warmly, and the child becomes part of the memory rather than just its audience.

My grandparent prefers Persian. Should they answer in English for the kids?

No. Let them answer in the language they think in. Words, proverbs and nicknames that only exist in Persian are among the things most worth recording, and hearing them in a grandparent's voice is part of how a child abroad keeps the language.

Open Azizan — record a story for your child

Updated: 2026-11-03 · By Aida Fard

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